Ahh, dating. So exciting, so confusing, so cliche.
There is really no topic, organization, or point to this blog, just me writing exactly what is on my mind, as usual. If my boyfriend actually read this, I probably wouldn't write it all due to the fear of scaring him away with my thoughts... I'm starting to think that I have issues... let me know if you agree.
Every girl is a hypocrite when it comes to relationships. Well, at least that's the case in my circle of friends. While single, we protest about our friends in relationships who often cancel plans with us because they need to spend time with their new boyfriend. Eventually they reach the "serious couple" status, and our inseparable days of just the girls are a distant memory.
One by one, we all go down the same route, forgetting that only months earlier we'd vowed never to put a guy before our friends. When we break up, we regain a sense of "girl power" until the next guy comes along and steals our attention.
I feel the need to point out that as of right now, I am an exception to this. Yes, my head is clouded with thoughts of my super great boyfriend.... he really is awesome. Geez I'm lucky. I've got a bad case of new relationship giddiness and I'd love to see him every single day. However, as it's summer and we both are the type who strive to seize every moment of every day, we've been so busy with plans made weeks ago that we've yet to spend a weekend together. That's not a bad thing if you ask me. Sure, all weekend long I miss him and wish that our social lives could intersect, but it gives me something to look forward too during the normally dreaded work week.
Just to give you an idea of how weird it is for me to even say the word "boyfriend"... I should tell you that before I started dating Ryan a mere month ago, I had been single for a whooping 3 years. 3 years, 3 months to be exact. My previous relationship was a poorly thought out mistake... 2 people with nothing in common so desperate to get out of the single life that we decided to give dating a try. Needless to say, that went absolutely nowhere, and we mutually parted a short time later.
I'm so independent that being in a relationship at all is a huge step for me. I love the freedom of being able to spontaneously go on a vacation, or roadtrip... disappear without having to tell anybody. I still can, because I'm fortunate enough to be dating somebody who does the exact same. The only thing is, despite swearing I'd never, ever be one of those girls... I'm turning into one of them. By "those girls"... I mean basically any girl in a relationship. I like him, a lot. I want to spend all of my time with him, and I want to be spontaneous... but with him. It's ridiculously unlike me, and I've been trying to knock some sense into myself but I've slowly come to the realization that I'm stuck on this guy. Maybe it's a good thing to let somebody in for once, but it scares me. I'm witnessing myself change so much and I can't even stop it from happening. How does he do it?? I'm no longer in control of my own feelings... stupid jerk, who gave you power over my emotions? Okay, I'm sorry, I don't think you are a jerk... YOU SEE?! Such behaviour would formerly make me gag. Next thing you know I'll be calling him ridiculous pet names like "Pooky Bear" and "Buttercup". Oh please, don't let me ever use pet names.
When it all comes down to it... the fear of the unknown future, the change in myself, letting somebody in, and falling into the stereotypes.... it's all worth it. I like him, he likes me, and it's a great feeling. No turning back now.
Oh, on a random note, he also hates how I center ever single blog, email, and note. I can't help it.
3 comments:
Wow, your letting out all sorts of girl secrets. You think that deeply about this stuff? I thought I was the only one.
That's where you'll drift to if it works out, together all of the time. Or not, it's a person to person basis really. I had 6 girlfriends before finding my 7th and final one. I'm fuzzy on the details (that happens when you haven't dated in 8 years), but I can remember some of it.
The one that was never offically my girl friend and I chased for years (and looks like you, weird huh?) never wanted to get close. It would happen, but even that was too much.
The next one worked out fine, but after 6 months, wanted more "options"
The third one, sufficated. I spent too much time.
But your different. Your in your early twenties, so it's not like your looking for other options. But don't fear the closeness, it's what it's really all about. Being together, sharing things together.
Hanging out with friends is great, but they do lack some of the greater intamacies of a relationship.
I see it with my sister-in-law. She has best girl friends she has fun with, then she gets with a guy, and shuts them off. I kinda feel bad for the girl friends at time. Don't shut them out completly, you need them and they need you.
Haha... not really girly secrets, I just speak what's on my mind all of the time. One of my downfalls, I'm sure!
I know what you are saying, spending time together is amazing. Right now I have a great balance of time spent with my girl friends and time with my boyfriends. It's hard to say in these early stages how long a relationship will last, but I don't want to be one of those girls who finds herself single and realizes only then that she has no close friends anymore because she spent every waking hour with her boyfriend!
Haha, but yes, I do think far too deeply about absolutely everything.
I'm just glad someone else thinks that deeply. I know so many people who could care less about those details. :)
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