Happiness

"And when you figure out that love is all that matters after all, it sure makes everything else feel so small." - Carrie Underwood

He's the reason for the smile that never leaves my face.

I know, it's silly to count ever month of dating as an anniversary, but I love to remind myself of how lucky I am.

Happy 3 Months, Ryan.

"Look Into Your Heart and You'll Find Love, Love, Love" - Jason Mraz

It's funny how when you are single you can't stand hearing about happy couples and fairytale romance. I know... trust me. For years I was the poster child for single, independent females. I put myself first and viewed relationships as an inconvenience to my travel and life plans. While my friends dated and spilled their giddy tales of falling in love, I was perfectly content with my self proclaimed Miss Independent status. I traveled the world, I partied my nights away, and I took pride in the fact that I didn't rely on anybody but myself.

The past year has been very pivotal in terms of my stance on relationships. Now, while the majority of my friends are rediscovering their single lives, I'm the one in a relationship. The tides have turned and it's now me with the stories and the never disappearing smile. I try so hard to refrain from talking about my boyfriend every minute of every day, but it's hard to contain myself sometimes... every little thing that he does convinces me that there is no girl in the world quite as lucky as me. Listen to me... I even blog about it. I hear the words coming from my mouth and I barely recognize myself. I used to roll my eyes every time that somebody mentioned how amazing their boyfriend/girlfriend was, but I finally get it. When love comes around even the most independent of people can't resist. There is nothing quite like it.

Crazy, Chaotic, Confusing... and Perfect.

I hate to be one of those girls who gets all excited and blogs about the new boy in her life, because honestly, who likes to read that crap? That said, after 3 years as a single lady, I think I have the right to at least be a teensy bit giddy. It's not like I force you to read it.

I met said boy about 2 1/2 years ago. Since then we've became quite close friends. That was all fine and dandy for quite awhile, but somehow in the past few months we've marched right across that line that separates "Just friends" from "Something more". This led to many arguments, confusing conversations... we even wrote lists stating the reasons we should never date. Sometimes, you don't have a choice in the matter. Occasionally, you have to ignore what your head tells you and listen to your heart... a difficult task for both of us. With a bit of hesitation and a lot of excitment, we've jumped off the deep end and are praying that we stay afloat. I see fun times in the near future.

Sorry gentlemen (please don't stop reading my blog as a result!)... but I'm off the market.

Where Do I Go From Here?

Human relationships are a crazy thing. They keep life interesting, confusing, amazing, frustrating, challenging, exciting, and worth living.

There are many different types of relationships... family, friendships, acquaintances... and the most complex of all of them; the romantic relationship between 2 people. I'm no expert on this subject. In fact, if it was a subject in school I'm guessing I'd recieve a failing grade. "I'm destined to be single" is a line I quote far too often.

Let me try to explain a bit about my crazy mind for you...

I'm a hopeless romantic. Really, I am. I cry like a baby at weddings, I dream of long, hand in hand walks down beaches, and I constantly catch myself saying "awwww!" at sweet displays of affection. I pray that one day I'll find my perfect match and that we will get married, have babies, and live happily ever after. I watch chick flicks and decide that I want a romance, just like that one. I'll meet the man of my dreams and we will fall madly in love. Easy as that.

In typical Krysta fashion, I contradict myself all of the time. I'm a self proclaimed "commitment-o-phobe". When a friendship starts to move a little beyond the boundries of friendship and into a more of a dating situation, I get scared and back away. Even if we have everything in common. Even if I think that things would work out perfectly. I freak out, I can't help it. I don't know what is wrong with me. Friends come to me for relationship advice on a regular basis, and I give what they say is great advice, but suggest that perhaps I try to take it for myself some day.

So what, you may ask, is the inspiration for this particular blog? You guessed it... there is a boy. I've been single for the past 3 years and in that time traveled the world on my own, I'm extremely independent, so even typing that is weird for me. I think that I've realized my feelings towards this boy for quite some time, but again, in typical Krysta fashion, I'd never admit it to anybody. I don't know if he's aware that this blog even exists, and if he is, I don't know that he'll read this. But I kind of hope that he does. I know he'll know that I'm talking about him, and I hope he realizes that I'm sorry for the way I've acted over this whole situation. You see, we are great friends, I'd probably call him one of my best. I have no idea what his view on the current situation is, but in my opinion we've walked right over that boundry that separates friendships from romance, and we are stuck in the middle with no way out. It's a tricky situation and we've yet to discuss it between eachother, because, yes, I'm Krysta. I'm scared. I don't know what to do and I don't know how to deal with my own emotions. I think that we've reached a point where we need to move forward, or let go, and to me both of those options sound terrifying.

This is so unlike me.I mean honestly! I'm nearly 23 years old and I'm blogging about my boy troubles. I know that somewhere, somebody out there in that great big internet world has to have been there before. I'm hoping and I'm praying that I'll figure things out sometime, preferably sooner than later.