Where Do I Go From Here?

May 12, 2009

Human relationships are a crazy thing. They keep life interesting, confusing, amazing, frustrating, challenging, exciting, and worth living.
There are many different types of relationships... family, friendships, acquaintances... and the most complex of all of them; the romantic relationship between 2 people. I'm no expert on this subject. In fact, if it was a subject in school I'm guessing I'd recieve a failing grade. "I'm destined to be single" is a line I quote far too often.
Let me try to explain a bit about my crazy mind for you...
I'm a hopeless romantic. Really, I am. I cry like a baby at weddings, I dream of long, hand in hand walks down beaches, and I constantly catch myself saying "awwww!" at sweet displays of affection. I pray that one day I'll find my perfect match and that we will get married, have babies, and live happily ever after. I watch chick flicks and decide that I want a romance, just like that one. I'll meet the man of my dreams and we will fall madly in love. Easy as that.
In typical Krysta fashion, I contradict myself all of the time. I'm a self proclaimed "commitment-o-phobe". When a friendship starts to move a little beyond the boundries of friendship and into a more of a dating situation, I get scared and back away. Even if we have everything in common. Even if I think that things would work out perfectly. I freak out, I can't help it. I don't know what is wrong with me. Friends come to me for relationship advice on a regular basis, and I give what they say is great advice, but suggest that perhaps I try to take it for myself some day.
So what, you may ask, is the inspiration for this particular blog? You guessed it... there is a boy. I've been single for the past 3 years and in that time traveled the world on my own, I'm extremely independent, so even typing that is weird for me. I think that I've realized my feelings towards this boy for quite some time, but again, in typical Krysta fashion, I'd never admit it to anybody. I don't know if he's aware that this blog even exists, and if he is, I don't know that he'll read this. But I kind of hope that he does. I know he'll know that I'm talking about him, and I hope he realizes that I'm sorry for the way I've acted over this whole situation. You see, we are great friends, I'd probably call him one of my best. I have no idea what his view on the current situation is, but in my opinion we've walked right over that boundry that separates friendships from romance, and we are stuck in the middle with no way out. It's a tricky situation and we've yet to discuss it between eachother, because, yes, I'm Krysta. I'm scared. I don't know what to do and I don't know how to deal with my own emotions. I think that we've reached a point where we need to move forward, or let go, and to me both of those options sound terrifying.
This is so unlike me.I mean honestly! I'm nearly 23 years old and I'm blogging about my boy troubles. I know that somewhere, somebody out there in that great big internet world has to have been there before. I'm hoping and I'm praying that I'll figure things out sometime, preferably sooner than later.


Tleppihs Nayr said...

found it!

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