Emotional Rollercoaster

I'm not ready to go yet. I don't know if I ever will be. I don't know how I'm going to say goodbye.

This is my dream job. Everything that I've ever wanted.

But what about the dream boyfriend that I'm leaving here?

Life, why do you have to be so complicated sometimes?

Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to Dubai, and I'm still grateful for this amazing, amazing opportunity. I'm just a little bit of an emotional wreck right now, as could be expected.

P.S.... Friends and family, please don't feel neglected, I'm going to go crazy missing you as well.

Love you all. Thanks for supporting my dreams.

Vanilla Twilight

26 days from now I'll be boarding a plane, embarking on a huge journey that is guaranteed to change my life. It's been a couple of weeks and as the days until departure grow nearer, the entire situation has yet to sink in. I finally had an emotional breakdown this weekend. This has been a goal of mine for years, and I'm so thrilled and excited that I'll finally have achieved what most can only dream of. As I'm sure you can all imagine, leaving is bittersweet. For once in my life, I have a boyfriend that I care so much about, and I feel almost selfish leaving him here. I've heard so many negative comments about long distance relationships, but I try not to listen. There isn't a question in my mind as to whether we can make it work. I just worry about how I'll sleep each night with him on the other side of the world... how will I cope without goodnight kisses and cuddling during movies and spending every day with him? It's going to hurt, and it won't be easy. All I know is that it will be worth it.

I'm obsessed with Owl City, and recently this song has taken the top spot on my playlist.

Vanilla Twilight - Owl City

The stars lean down to kiss you and I lie awake and miss you.

Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly, but I'll miss your arms around me,

I'd send a post card to you dear...

'Cause I wish you were here.

I'll watch the night turn light blue but it's not the same without you,

Because it takes two to whisper quietly.

The silence isn't so bad 'til I look at my hands and feel sad,

'Cause the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly.

I'll find repose in new ways, though I haven't slept in two days

'Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone...

But drenched in vanilla twilight, I'll sit on the front porch all night,

Waist-deep in thought because when I think of you,

I don't feel so alone. I don't feel so alone.

I don't feel so alone.

As many times as I blink I'll think of you, tonight.

I'll think of you tonight.

When violet eyes get brighter and heavy wings grow lighter,

I'll taste the sky and feel alive again.

And I'll forget the world that I knew, but I swear I won't forget you.

Oh, if my voice could reach back through the past....

I'd whisper in your ear,

"Oh, darling I wish you were here"

Conquering My Biggest Fear.

Trembling with fear, I finally took the brave, grown up girl step and visited the dentist. To be honest, had it not been a requirement for the airline job, I probably would have procrastinated for at least another year. Sitting in the waiting room, I contemplated walking out, sacrificing my dream career, and never returning to the dentist ever again. When the hygenist called my name, I knew it was too late. I followed her down the hall, sat in the chair, and said a little prayer in my head. I don't know what it is, but I've hated visiting the dentist since I was a little girl. I fidgeted my fingers as I bit down for an X-ray. "Oh, you still have your wisdom teeth?!" The hygienist asked, seeming surprised. This was my worst fear. I'll take cavities, heck, give me a root canal, but leave my wisdom teeth where they are. I've grown quite fond of them since they grew in when I was 16. Since then, I've watched my friends and family suffer through wisdom tooth extractions, and heard horror stories of dry sockets and torn stitches. Please Mr. Dentist, don't take my beloved teeth. The X-rays were done and my teeth were on display on a monitor beside the chair. The dentist walked in, looked at my chart and said "Wow, I'm exactly 10 years and 3 days older than you!" Oh, lovely. Dear Mr. Dentist, I'm far too nervous for your stupid small talk. He peered into my mouth, poking at my teeth while he chattered away. "What have you been told about your wisdom teeth in the past?" He asked, "Have they ever bothered you?" I shook my head furiously. "Nope, never had a problem with them!" I was terrified at this point, wondering why they kept bringing up the subject. "Well they seem to have came in quite nicely." The dentist replied. HUGE sigh of relief. No painful mouth surgery for me. When all was said and done, I had one cavity. One itsy bitsy little hole that requires filling, but I'll be high on nitrous oxide for the procedure and it won't phase me one bit. Not bad, considering that my last dentist visit was in 2002 (I know... my bad). The dentist even commended me for taking great care of my teeth, as I'm a pro brusher and flosser. Walking into that office was the hardest part, but I'm glad that I got it over with. I can do anything now!!

Krysta Goes to the Doctor

As a prerequisite for employment at Emirates, I'm required to undergo an extensive list of medical tests. Doctors make me nervous, but if it's for my dream job I'll suck it up and just go through with it. Last week I anxiously headed to the doctor for a basic exam. Okay, easy enough. My heart is still beating, nothing abnormal as far as I was informed. The next day I called to make a dentist appointment. I can do this... besides, I brush my teeth religiously, at worst I'll have a few cavities, but I can deal with that as long as I've got laughing gas. I headed to the X-ray clinic, got a chest X-ray, and I was happily checking off items from my list. There was one thing that I was purposely avoiding. I needed to go get blood work, and I do not cope well with needles of any sort. I had every intention of going to the clinic on Friday afternoon, after work. I even left work a bit early to get a spot. However, I drove right past and headed home. Saturday morning was my next goal, but once again I couldn't find the courage. This morning I set my alarm for 6:30 am. The clinic opened at 7 and I was going to make an honest effort to go in and get it over with. I woke up, showered, and sat around my house procrastinating, contemplating ways that I could devise fake test results. Ryan finally talked me into going, so I grabbed an orange juice, took a deep breath, and met him in the waiting room. The worst part of walk in clinics is the wait. I sat for an hour, fidgeting nervously as Ryan reassured me that it would be just fine. I was so grateful for him being there, despite the fact that needles and blood make him a bit queasy as well. Finally the nurse called my name and I clutched Ryan's hand and I walked towards my impending doom. I informed the nurse right away that I don't do well with needles, and she agreed not to tell me when she was going to start. I had a death grip on Ryan's hand as I felt a prick in my arm. Almost immediately I was overcome with dizziness as I tried not to think about what was going on. It seemed to take forever, and I made the nurse aware of how dizzy I was, feeling as though I was seconds from blacking out. She finished up but still had to draw another vile of blood. Gross. I wanted to throw up. I'm such a wimp, and I didn't care what anybody thought. Sensing my obvious concern, she agreed to take me to a room where I'd be able to lie down. I walked across the clinic, through the waiting room, focusing on each step as I tried not to fall down. We reached the other room and I stood there swaying as she quickly worked to change the paper on the table. I crawled on the table, unable to stand any longer. She proceeded to steal all of my blood as I clutched Ryan's hand once again. He was so sweet, telling me that I was doing great. Again.. HOW am I going to go to Dubai without him?? Finally, it was over. I'd survived and maintained consciousness the entire time... go me! Still dizzy and definitely not all there, Ryan took my keys and drove me to work, where I managed to go on with my day. The worst is over, at least until I arrive in Dubai and have to undergo another blood test.

And Suddenly, My Life Has Changed!

On Monday evening, Ryan and I had a great night celebrating 5 months of dating. It's gone by so fast, and I couldn't be happier. We went for a delicious dinner, feasting on all sorts of deep fried goodness followed by DQ ice cream. I love date nights!

The next evening, I did something very untypical of Krysta... I cooked a meal! I've had some salmon in my freezer for quite some time, so I googled recipes and cautiously prepared a dinner of salmon, garlic butter rice, and spinach salad. I was terrified of the fate of my poor salmon, and even more nervous about what Ryan would think of my cooking, but when all was said and done, everything turned out just lovely. He even liked it... that, or he's an exceptionally good liar.

Ryan has been battling a nasty cold for awhile now, so we headed to bed early that evening. I was awoken at 9:30 pm by my phone ringing. Who the heck would be calling me?! My phone never rings. I answered with a groggy "hello?", and then sat straight up in my bed as I head the voice on the other line. To be honest, I was so much in shock that I can't remember the conversation, but it went something like this... "I'm from Emirates Airline, calling from Dubai. I'd like to congratulate you on being successful in the final interview stage". Summed up, if all goes well on my medical exams, I'm going to leave for Dubai on December 14. My dream has finally come true. I hung up the phone and looked at Ryan, who'd been sitting on my bed with a huge grin on his face the entire time that I was on the phone. I was speechless. I walked over, hugged him, and burst into tears. I called my mom, sent text messages to a few friends, and cried in my boyfriend's arms for what was probably 2 hours. It was the most bittersweet moment of my life. I was thrilled to have achieved my ultimate goal, but at the same time... how am I going to live without seeing Ryan every day??

I've had a few days for it to sink in now, and I'm excited yet extremely nervous. Ryan is happy for me, my mom is so proud, and everybody else is full of congratulations. It's a great feeling. The only bad thing is the medical exams. Seriously, after seeing the list of required vaccinations I was close to reconsidering my career choice. Injections make me nauseous and occasionally lead to fainting. Yesterday was a general medical exam, today is a chest x-ray and blood test.... yuck. I envision 30 seconds of unconsciousness on the doctor's table. Ryan graciously offered to come hold my hand, but after he passed out himself yesterday following a blood test, I'm not sure how supportive he'll be. I've even booked a dentist appointment, which is going to make me lose sleep for the next week. I've neglected visiting the dentist for quite some time now. Oh dear, what if I have cavities or something terrible?! Just breathe Krysta, you can do this.

Sooo... I'm moving. To Dubai!